I have a kitty that needs a good home.

Zelda is a seven year old, grey and white shorthair kitty. She lived previously with an older man that has recently passed away. She is very sweet, but really needs to be in a quite household. At this point she is not getting along with my other kitties and there is just too much commotion here.

If there are any questions please contact me (margaret_fae@yahoo.com). I will me more then willing to bring her to you if need be (assuming you’re within reasonable distance of course). She needs to find a home as soon as possible please so I am not forced to take her to a shelter.

Thanks much…
Fae

So... it has been my goal lately to start conquering those irrational fears I have. One of the biggest is the fear of rejection and criticism. Yes I know... someone tells me I suck... no big deal right? Well actually to me it is. I don't know why. I've just always been keenly aware of what people might think of me. And though I've gotten better with this, it is still a significant aspect of my personality.

The stupid part of that is when I do get praise I don't really believe it. I try... but more often then not I feel like someone is telling me I did well just because they know it'll make me feel better. Yeah I know... I'm crazy... blame it on genetics.

However, I did say that I've been trying to get over some of that. So I am trying to post a new piece of writing at least a couple times a week in my Myspace blog. Some if it's new, some of it's old, and most of the time it still reflects the type of mood I'm in. That is after all what a blog is for right?

So go... have fun... be gentle... but let me know what you think.

Left small in the face of the world
Curled tight head to hand
Knees to chest
It pushes down on me
Burying my face in
Arms and hands covering
Naked
Exposed
Unprotected in my fleshy shell
Doors close as consciousness is
Locked away
Stark white emptiness
Floods the mind
A whimper is lost
I ache to move
To fly
To break the bonds
Slipping round
Pulling tight
Making me insignificant
I am
Small…

The recklessness of despair
Running headlong
Through the endless tunnel
Screaming in anguish
The light blinks out
And all hope is lost
The darkness consumes
The mind melting
Like wax in acid rain
The hateful wind pushes
Back and back until
You’re stuck
Subsiding to the pain
Ripping and tearing
Piece by piece broken
Thrown aside
Dead and discarded
Scattered
Lost
Until you are
Nothing.

I need everyone to pray for Andy and his boys today... they're gonna need it.

So I'm not gonna be online much in this next week. My power cord decided it was done and my laptop battery has zero life.

The good news...
I've got replacements ordered and they are on the way.

The bad news...
It's going to take 5-6 days. That's a week without my computer. I think I might cry...

Good news...
This leaves plenty of time for me to draw up those tattoos I've been asked for, and get started on the mountain of sewing I've got to magically get done before the Gathering.

Bad news...
I have to now share the desktop with Aly. This could get interesting.

So... Feel free to send me messages cause I will get them eventually. I dont' know how often I'll be on messenger but I will check my email frequently. Or you can always text me... that would be cool. And if you must you can call me, but I don't really like being on the phone so don't expect too much conversation.

*loves*
~Fae

It's got to be me. When you hear the same thing from more then one person it's got to be true right? So I was sitting here trying to figure out what to do and where I managed to f*ck up. How I could possibly fix it. And then I get an email. I know it was just a forwarded mail, but...

The subject was "Worse then you thought." I guess someone's trying to tell me something. I'm almost scared to read the email...

What is wellness?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines wellness as “The condition of good physical and mental health, especially when maintained by proper diet, exercise and habits.” Mark Hughes, founder of Herbalife, says “It’s about feeling better and looking better.” To me, “Wellness is about waking up every morning and having enough time, energy, and freedom to live the life you want” (unknown author).

“On the whole, Americans are more unhealthy then ever,” says Dr. David Heber, Professor of Medicine, Director of UCLA Center for Human Nutrition, and Chairman of Herbalife Medical and Scientific Advisory Boards. “Poor nutrition, stress, pollution and other factors continue to increase the risks of a variety of illnesses and obesity.”

Healthy eating is associated with reduced risk for many diseases, including four of the leading causes of death: heart disease, cancer, stroke, and diabetes. Healthy eating in childhood and adolescence is important for proper growth and development and can prevent health problems such as obesity, dental caries (also known as tooth decay), and iron deficiency anemia. Most young people are not following the recommendations set forth in the Dietary Guidelines for Americans. Of US. youth, aged 6-19, 67% exceed dietary guidelines recommendations for fat intake, 72% exceed recommendations for saturated fat intake. In 2005, only 20.1% of high school students reported eating fruits and vegetables five or more times daily (when fried potatoes and potato chips are excluded) during a seven day survey.

Results from the 2003-2004 National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES), using measured heights and weights, indicate that an estimated 66% of US. adults are either overweight or obese. One of the national health objectives for 2010 is to reduce the prevalence of obesity among adults to less then 15%. However, the NHANES ’03-’04 data for persons age 20 years and over suggest an increase in the proportion of obese adults in the United States.

In addition, 17.5% of children ages 6-11 and 17% of youths ages 12-19 are classified overweight or obese. The American Obesity Association also reports that being over weight during childhood and particularly adolescence is related to increased morbidity and mortality in later life. Adverse health effects associated with overweight children and adolescents are asthma, diabetes type 2, hypertension, orthopedic complications, psychosocial effects and stigma, and sleep apnea leading to further problems down the road.

How did this happen?

The increase of technology and packaged foods; our dependence on motor transportation rather then walking; our sedentary lifestyles; and our busy schedules that leave us little time to prepare healthy meals or exercise have led us down a morbid path. Gaining weight and getting sick is easier then ever.

Our busy lifestyles don’t support the healthy choices that can help prevent the development of problems in later years. Today, many Americans are not getting what doctors consider essentials for optimal health in terms of diet, exercise or lifestyle habits. The biggest factors that impact our health are fast food diets that are high in fat and low in nutrients, overly-processed/convenience foods, sedentary lifestyle, pollution, stress, certain medications, lack of dietary fiber from fruits, vegetables and whole grains, not enough healthy sources of protein in out diets to support healthy muscle and bone, and lack of proper rest. 70% of doctor visits are from diet-related conditions with the number one complaint being fatigue.

The good news is there is hope for improving our immediate and future health. All you need is the right information and the desire to put it into action. So what are you going to do? Look at how we are raising our children and ask yourself if that’s what you truly want. Step-by-step we can ALL make a healthier nation.

Resources::

-- American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000

-- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The Surgeon General's call to action to prevent and decrease overweight and obesity. Rockville, MD.: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Public Health Service, Office of the Surgeon General, 2001.

-- U. S. Department of Agriculture. Continuing survey of food intakes by individuals, 1994-96, 1998.

-- CDC. Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 2005 [pdf 300K] Morbidity & Mortality Weekly Report 2006;55(SS-5):1–108.

-- Department of Health and Human Services. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
http://www.cdc.gov

-- American Obesity Association. http://www.obesity.org

-- Herbalife Wellness Evaluation booklet. Herbalife International, 2006.

End part one.

I think I'm just going to quit. I've been working for months to try to get my business of the ground. And on the ground is where I stay. I have one customer, and I have a good feeling he's doing this just because it's my dad and he feels obligated. I'm not even making enough to pay for a fraction of my own products, my monthly expenses, or advertising.

I'm supposed to talk to my "center of influence" right? I mean that's where one would usually start. Those people that are friends, family, acquaintances, associates... the chick you talk to at least once a week at the grocery store. I'm supposed to live a good healthy life and people will notice. People are suppose to notice that I've lost twenty! pounds, and that I have more energy then I use to; that I smile more and it's genuine. They're supposed to say "wow how did you do it and how can I do it too?". I'm not nearly as stressed out at I was before about every little thing. Granted a lot of this is because of my medication. But honestly I've gone days without, or days with only one pill with (typically) little affect. Why, you may ask? How has my life suddenly changed for the better?

It's because I'm healthy!!,

I may not be at my weight goal yet, I may still have days when I just want to veg on the couch in front of my computer, and yes I still have days I just get stressed out. But I'm sorry... that's just life. And anybody that knows my life will tell you it's hard. Have you met my kids? Do you know what it's like having a rocky marriage holding on by a thread from half a world away? Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that's just as fucked up as you are? Do you know what it's like living without a mother who at one time was your best friend? Is your house falling apart around you and yet you still can't manage to get yourself out of foreclosure?

I have so many things I need to do. I know my life may not be any more difficult then yours. Everyone has their trials and tribulations. But I tell you what... even through all of this I am still fighting. I'm still standing up and saying I'm going to better myself.

I'm tired of being fat and lazy. 60% of americans are over-weight, 85% are considered obese. This is a disgusting number. In the time I've been a Wellness Coach I've started to understand why. People may complain about their weight or say they're going to eat healthy. Fast food chains are actually trying to sell healthy alternatives (not like it's actually any better then what we were eating before). But I look around and all I see is a lot of bitching and not a lot of action. I just don't understand it. If you don't like yourself DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If you hate the way you look make a change and fix it. But no, the general public would rather wallow in self pity then actually be pro-active about their health.

It's really not hard! I mean I still eat the foods I like. I don't stick to my plan at all. Yet here I am twenty pounds lighter, and it's because I finally decided I was going to be healthy. Diet plans are crap. You don't need to diet... you need to change your diet. Your body will do the rest. I've come to the point where I can't lose any more weight unless I really apply myself. The first thing I intend to do is check out belly dance classes. I can't really exercise in the traditional sense (and I wouldn't want to anyway). So I will find something that I enjoy and that gives my body a little workout.

But whatever... people are just not interested in their nutrition. Hell the majority of doctors would rather give you a pill then talk to you about the natural way to fix yourself. It wouldn't make them any money if you weren't on three different medications all to make your body pretend it's healthy.

So... I think I'm just gonna quit. I can afford to buy my products on my own in order to help myself. I think I'm gonna be done trying to help other people. They are either lazy or they just come up with excuses.

If you want something bad enough you will always find a way...

There's something about
Being pushed up against a wall
Face first
Cheek resting on rough wallboard
Breath caught in your throat
Listening to the growling in your ear
And trying to remember your own name.

There's something about
Being pushed up against a wall
Your back flat up against it
Staring straight into eyes that see through you
Swallowing hard
Waiting for your heart to start beating again

There's something about
Being made to crawl across the floor
To a seated man, staring into your eyes
Not letting you not look at him
Not letting you stumble
Drawing you to him without a word
Trembling, a whimper caught in your throat

There's something about
Being pulled up by your hair
Feeling that hand slink up your neck
Into your tresses, close to the scalp
Grabbing, gripping it, guttural sounds emitting from his lips
The pain not nearly as strong as the urge
To cry, or bite a hole through your bottom lip

There's something about
Being bitten
Especially on the back of the neck
Feeling his teeth so close to piercing you
Wondering, as you cry out, if he will, this time
Wondering if you're going to bleed for your submission.

There's something about
Being bent over the back of a chair, without warning
Without pretense, without question
Having your skirt flipped up, cool air hitting hot skin
Your cheeks blushing, with the same color as your ass
As he warms it with the striking of the palm of his hand
The tears you cry not cooling you
The tears you cry because he has found you

There's something about
Being slapped across the face
Not backhanded in anger, but smacked to bring about
A change in behavior
A change in attitude
To make that lovely wail come from deep in your chest.
You long to make it, as he longs to hear it.

There's something about
Those words he uses
Those names he calls you
Those phrases meant to elicit a response
And you do respond
All of you responds
And your body betrays you, always

There's something about
Being thrown down and taken
Not against your will,
For your will is to be there
To please, to submit, to offer, to relinquish
And you cry out for breath, for more, for him
And you know you are home.

There's something about
Kneeling quietly beside
Your body bruised, reddened, coated, tired
Your mind silent, for once - for a time
Your head bowed, your eyes closed
Your lips quivering as his fingers touch your cheek
Your submission, unquestioned.
Your peace at hand.

His hand.

~Kanthra Adaire
Copyright 2000, All Rights Reserved

Your answers suggest you are a Counsellor

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:
Planner, Ideas, Heart, and Introvert


Summary of Counsellors

-Search for meaning in their life and develop powerful insights
-Are dedicated to helping others reach their potential
-Think of themselves as gentle, peaceable and cautious
-Others may find it difficult to get to know them


More about Counsellors

Counsellors have a natural understanding of human relationships and the complexities of life, which they use to help others. They search for meaning in everything and develop complex insights.

Counsellors feel most relaxed and creative when their surroundings are organised. They are deeply private people who only share their insights with trusted friends; however, they will defend their values if challenged.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Counsellors may withdraw from the people around them or become resentful. Under extreme stress, Counsellors may feel overwhelmed and be driven to organise small parts of their lives such as their kitchen cabinets or their record collection.

Counsellors typically prefer a few close relationships to a wide circle of friends.


Counsellor Careers

Counsellors are often drawn to jobs where they can help people develop emotionally, intellectually or spiritually and where they can use their imagination.

It's important to remember that no survey can predict personality type with 100 percent accuracy. Experts say that we should use personality type to better understand ourselves and others, but shouldn't feel restricted by our results.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/whatamilike/index.shtml

Guilt	What is yours?	Explain yourself
Culinary:	Sushi	I'd eat it everyday if I could afford to
Literary:	Cookbooks	What can I say? I love to cook
Audiovisual:	Dance movies	Footloose, Dirty Dancing, Step Up, etc... all makes me want to move
Musical:	Classic rock	Gotta love rocking out to a great song
Celebrity:	Angelina Jolie	Cliche I know... but she's just yummy

Now I tag:-

alyeeanna echosofeternity eeyorelady1 femme_infidele and karmacraven


to complete this same Quiz, Its HERE.

So today was spent ankle deep in shit. No really... I mean actual sewage. Early this afternoon I rented a sewer snake (after every other attempt to get my sewer line moving failed and deciding I'm not going to call a plumber again) and rolled it into my basement. Damn things are heavy too! I got myself a quick bite, knowing once I started I would be in work mode and probably wouldn't want to eat anyway. I then collect my tools... pipe wrench, chisel, vice grips, scissors, my gerber, latex and leather gloves. I grabbed my chair, set it next to the snake, and went to work tearing apart the mickey mouse patch job previously done on the cap to the main line. Cut the zip ties (cause every good patch job includes either duct tape or zip ties), pried off the square plate, chiseled off the gunk holding the plate and cap in place, and got up to twist the cap off. Well of course it wouldn't budge. So I put a little muscle into it and the damn thing POPS off and pukes raw sewage all over me. Yeah... happy day. So not only do I stink now... but I'm wet on top of it! Ok, no big deal. Just get it done and I can shower. I then wrestle the snake into the line (after fighting with it just to get the damn motor to go) and get about six feet in when it come to a very sudden "you're not gonna get through this" stop. Fine. Reverse the snake and change the bit. First we go with the arrowhead that is supposed to bust through anything. Didn't work of course. The we try the neat little one that looks like a saw curled up that supposed to cut through pretty much anything. Nope, try again. Next comes the go-go gadget hand claw looking thing... and that said no too. Fine... let's start over. I put the arrowhead back on and it finally busts through the blockage. Alright! now we're moving. I get about eighty feet in before my arms decided they hate me. I figured it was finally draining so I probably didn't have to go the full hundred feet. Spiffy... time to reverse. Or not... I fight with it for another fifteen minutes to get the motor wanting to go again. All the motor does is make it spin anyway... but still something I needed. So I finally get it running and start to pull the snake out of the line. Really... Long... Painful... Process. Reverse moves a whole lot slower then forward, and there is more pulling involved. After I've sufficiently killed myself I get to the end of the line and find out I lost the bit. So somewhere along with all the other random shit (and I don't even mean the literal shit) in my sewer line, there is now an arrowhead bit... including screw. Dammit, gonna have to pay for that one. Oh well, times sunning out, gotta get it back. I roll it out of the garage and give it a good hose down, Nephi helps me load it into the jeep, I strip out of my wet jeans (on the front porch *grin*), get into dry clothes, and I'm off to take it back. Remember, I still haven't showered so technically only my clothes are clean. Come to find out it was only six or seven bucks to replace the bit. So in total it was still $100 less then calling a plumber. Back at home I set up my brand new utility pump (we killed the other one) and started with the basement sink. Which needs to be snaked as well but I think I'll save that till tomarrow. Once the sink was drained I moved the pump to the floor. All the while keep in mind that I'm pumping this directly into the sewer line so the cap is still off and we still cannot flush the toilet. It's about 6:00 by now and time to put the cap on. I had previously gotten a new cap... which didn't fit. Great. Back to the store to take it back. The guy was really helpful but whatever we managed to work out was still rejected by my house. Fine, I give up. I caulk the inside of the pipe, wrench down the old cap, and cover the bitch in caulking. I got some great looks going into the store with purple latex gloves on... hehe. Finally I get a shower. I fixed it! All by myself... yay me!

Being a home owner without a husband really sucks. And I have to say that I have a new found appreciation for plumbers.

After a conversation with a good friend yesterday, I've really been thinking about how much time I actually have for myself. And I've determined that I don't... not really. And even more then that, I don't even have time for anything extracurriculer, like sewing garb and curtains for the house. I don't even think I have time to think about what I'm going to do tomarrow. But somehow I think it's going to be pretty much the same as today. Let me give you an idea...

8:30 Katie goes to school
9:00 breakfast for the boy and daily routine on here
9:45 Aly goes to work
10:00 my breakfast and a shower if I can manage
12:15 Damon's off the school
12:30 Pick up Katie
1:00 put the girl down for a nap (hopefully) and try to start laundry or clean the kitchen because apparently I can't do both at the same time... no matter how I try
2:15 Pick up Aly and drop off Squeeks
3:00 Pick up Damon
3:15 - 5:00 Try to get some work done because you can't get a business going if you don't work
5:00 clean the kitchen and get dinner started
6:50 pick up Squeeks
7:15 eat dinner
8:00 bedtime procedures
9:00 it's finally quiet.

But it's too late in the day to go to the commissary, so no grocery shopping. Everything else is closed so even if there were errands that needed to be done it's too late. And after that kind of day all I want to do is sit down on my computer and destress. Between 9:00 and midnight is the only time for me to spend with Aly, maybe watch a movie, talk to my friends... either that or I'm just too tired to move. So sewing is out of the question.

*sigh*